and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
