This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
