some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bit a glass in half.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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