New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have tasted many bathrooms
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
