she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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