Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
