I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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