i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
