even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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