im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
