Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
