Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
