they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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