I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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