We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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