you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
