Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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