drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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