i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
