girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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