is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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