Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
