dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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