That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
