from now on my penis is your penis
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
