Got a toothbrush?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
