hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize