i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
