i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
