i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
