You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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