i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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