I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
