Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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