So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
