Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize