I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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