ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
