How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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