I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
