how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I touched a dick in church today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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