theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
