thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
