I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
