I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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