I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
