Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
