i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
