Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
