I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
