I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
