the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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