He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
