if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize