Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
