i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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