Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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